Gossip

Although gossip, which (according to evolutionary biologists) is the replacement of social grooming, is natural and necessary for bonding between members of a group, there must be a line drawn between a very common definition of gossip (the sharing of dirt and misinformation, often for the detriment of the subject(s) of the gossip) and the more general, and correct definition: the sharing of (unproven) facts or views, often pertaining to other members of the group. In the second definition, this sharing is not always malign and the purpose is often just to show the person with whom you are talking that you are part of the group.

Personally, I rarely broach topics pertaining to other people's lives (excluding when it is a question of sharing useful knowledge, but then the people I talk about generally tend to be dead, or politicians or writers). So, it is very rare that I talk about people that I know. For me, this lack of participation can be simply explained by the fact that I have Asperger Syndrome.

I can understand when other people gossip, for them it's natural, I am fine with it.... to a certain point: as long as no one is likely to be hurt by this information. Take the example of a certain friend of mine who some months ago, felt the full effects of what harm gossip can cause (I have changed the names, dates, personal details and locations so as to avoid further harm to all parties involved, in case, but this is a long shot, anyone I know should happen to read this blog):

He was at a certain activity along with some friends and Katyusha (whom he had not yet met). As it happened, my friend, Joep, got along really well with Katyusha (they had a number of common interests). Now, being an Aspie xD, I wouldn't know, from what little Joep told me, if Katyusha also got along well with Joep. I think so. Anyway, the activity lasted all day, and they were often together, along with their common friends, TJ, Melvin and others. A few days later, Joep happened to meet Katyusha in town (Gent, if I remember correctly), they talked for a while before going their separate ways, they also accidentally met a few days later (they did go to the same secondary school, different classes). That following weekend, Joep was on facebook when a close friend of Katyusha, Arokana, said hi. It turned out that TJ and/or Melvin had been talking with Arokana and had falsely given the impression that Joep was "interested" in Katyusha. Whether Joep was, I don't know, but I doubt that he would have gone much further than he already had, especially after he had broken up with his former girlfriend a few months earlier. I'm guessing he was still sore from that. Arokana then went on to say that she was trying to protect her friend, Katyusha, from boys and that Joep should keep his distance from Katyusha. For Joep this meant a number of things: 1. that Arokana thought was a potential danger for Katyusha, untrustworthy in other words (Which he was not, I am 100% sure, he was one of the calmest and friendliest boys I have ever known) and 2. He was "interested" in Katyusha, as in more than just a friend. She also went on to add that Katyusha had her eyes on another boy, and it was only a while after that I realised that this might not be entirely true. For Joep, I think the worst was being told that he was one of the boys that Katyusha needed protecting from and that he needed to keep away from her. As I put it, there are many more fish in the sea, but that insult had really lowered his already low self-esteem. I personally cannot believe that she said that, I mean, she seems nice enough, although I don't know her personally. I'm afraid that this might be one disappoint too many for Joep, I do not know what would happen if something else, no matter how big, came up.

This just goes to show how damaging gossip can be. Although Joep is still alive and kicking (albeit in a very depressed and unstable way), there have been other cases where gossip has caused young people to pull the plug on the very existence. Now, I doubt that Joep will purposefully go that far, but he still might do something reckless in a moment of extreme despair. If harmful gossip does occur, both parties should keep it between them. If you hear potentially harmful gossip about a friend or acquaintance, do not go telling to other people or that person. In other words: "mind your P's and Q's"!!!